Absolute Security

Thursday, 16 June 2011 00:00

Tshepo...

It is exactly 8 months, to the day, since Phindi and I started dating when I was introduced to her by a colleagues at a year-end function at work. I could not have predicted what possibilities the future held for us but look at us now, now. We are co-habiting and contemplating marriage. I am quite certain she is the woman I would want to wake up next to for the rest of my life. However, now is hardly the time. Financially I am not quiet there. I am not in a position to provide the type of security she will need. Women’s needs are infinite. The dining, the shoes, the furniture. At my current salary, I can hardly afford myself. Let alone a family. Wife and a kid or two. It is not that I am not committed, I just need more time, patience and support from her until I get that promotion. I can feel it knocking. I am of the right skin colour. I just need to make sure I am noticed by the right people. Be extra polite, attend more after-work functions stay behind and work late. All the sacrifices I need to make to climb this corporate ladder and get that big pay-check. If only Phindi would understand that and be on my side.

Phindi...

Since Tshepo and I moved in together, I feel like I am losing him. He has suddenly developed an obsession for work. It is all he talks about. The broken printer, afternoon drinks with the regional manager or his strained relations with “the office snitch” John. His phone rings even at 10pm and he would stay on it for about an hour discussing “Marketing Strategies”, “Potential areas of Growth” and “Changing consumer behaviours” The passion we had when we met has all vanished. The desire in his eyes has shifted to his laptop. These days we don’t last as long as we used to. His mind is forever preoccupied by some or other financial goal. My emotional needs have taken the back seat.

Each time I attempt to bring up the issues of trying for the baby he changes the subject. Fact is, a child to me is not as primary as having him. However I feel that if we have one he would have more time for me and the baby. He would have to make time to be with us, if he intends being a good father that he forever preaches of. We could bond knowing we share something so sacred. For as long as we carry on like this, I feel very vulnerable and insecure in this relationship. I feel like I will lose him to his job if not another woman. When he starts making more money, he may change. With extra cash, he may think he could afford younger and prettier women. At age 27 I sometimes feel like I am on my last stretch. The relationship I am in, now, should be the one that leads me to the aisle. So far, he hasn’t popped the question. I don’t feel absolutely secure in this relationship. What’s the wait? We already live together. What more do I need to do to prove to him that I am capable of being a good wife?

Tshepo...

What more do I need to do to prove to Phindi that I am committed to her but now is just not the right time? I don’t want to start something that I may not be able to sustain. Everything is expensive, these days. Starting from Lobola. They will be asking fro thousands I haven’t saved for. Then the 80 guest exclusive white wedding ceremony at a lodge, somewhere secluded. Soon after, she will be demanding a child. Have you seen what the price of milk is? Not to mention the Pampers. And then there’s Daycare.

She is pestering me on starting the family, yet she would not let me spend more time at work to ensure our financial security. Me coming home at 8pm the whole week is a necessary evil for us to get to where we want. Like a means to and end.

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