It doesn’t matter what you are going through, You are going to be OK…

I don’t know about you but the last thing I want to hear when I am going through the most, ESPECIALLY after spending time bearing my soul to a friend, teary-eyed, with a lump in my throat and a bit of a snort popping out my nose are the words:”You are going to be Ok”!! Uzoba’right!! Or in some cases, the lame “UzobaStrong Chomi” followed by an equally annoying flexed muscle emoji to my three paragraph Whatsapp text. IT IRKS ME TO THE CORE!! Off-course I know the person usually means well, but can we do better! Can you at least give me profound words of encouragement, a verse or something, anything but no that cued and emotionless utterance: “You are going to be OK”!! I always feel like the person is resigning themselves from helping me and leaving it to fate to make it OK whenever it deems fit!! I think this not knowing what to say in such situations stems from the:” I am fine” we are taught to utter when asked how we are doing. We are so accustomed to answering with a not so-thought-through and sometimes meaningless “I am fine” that it shocks people off their seats if you answer: “I am not Ok” to their polite but sometimes obligatory “how are you doing?”…

The only time I really appreciated hearing, well, in this case, seeing someone tell me “You are going to be OK” was exactly 3 years ago when my unborn daughter made a gesture that to me, looked and still looks like a “thumbs up” sign which I, the mother, rightfully so, have since translated to her meaning, “You are going to be OK mom”, “We are going to be OK”. “You are doing a great job, “You are a going to be the greatest mom ever” ( he he he ! I know I am reaching on that last part but mom is always RIGHT, right?). Well, in fact, I have shown this picture to a few people I REALLY trust and they all agree with me it does look like a “sharp sign” as we refer to it ekasi, so I am pretty confident in my assumption. You still don’t believe me? OK feel free to zoom into the picture and see for yourself THOMAS. LOL

Seriously though up to that day in the Dr’s office seeing my daughter in my tummy through a 3D scanner, I was so overwhelmed with stress, worried about how I was going to do this alone, I never even wanted children of my own in the first place but now I was expected to raise a kid by myself (INSERT A LOUD WAIL HERE). I had just lost my brother a few months prior, who left us with a 6-month-old baby. I got retrenched from work 7 days after burying my brother. Though I had a job as a temp at the time, I had taken a huge salary cut, which meant an additional financial responsibility and that added more to my existing financial stress. I was also shunned from my religion, friends I have known most of my life who would have been of great help at that time, were not allowed to talk to me let alone help me. With the exception of a few friends and family who do not share my religion, I was basically on my own. I was so consumed with questions such as: Is my child who was conceived out of wedlock a blessing or a curse? Is she a punishment for my wrong choices? Is it over for me? Will I ever fall in love again and get married? How I am I going to deal with the pity and judgemental eyes of my peers and those around me?

I remember asking my Dr if there was something she could prescribe that would relieve me of the stress, worried that it would affect my baby. She just shrugged and told me in not so many words to “suck it up”. So you can imagine my excitement on my next visit to the Dr when my very own daughter sent me a signal from the womb: “We will be OK”. I still cry when I look at this picture because ever since then I felt an overwhelming sense of calm that still exists to this day. From that day onwards I made a choice to cancel my pity party. I did what I used to do when I am going through the tough times, I looked for the Silver Lining. I started to look for positives to my situation and Boy! OH boy! were they many! For starters, I never got sick not even once throughout the time I was pregnant. I got a job 5 months into my pregnancy, my amazing bosses made arrangements for me to keep my job under the circumstances and eventually employed me permanently. I gave birth to a healthy, happy baby, who even to this day laughs at everything. Ayola sleeps throughout the night, not once did I have a sleepless night because of her. I have heard many horror stories from parents about what the kind of things they and their kids went through when teething but I have not experienced any myself because teething for Ayola was a breeze! The kid was right, we were OK.

My daughter is my beacon of hope, she is a blessing NOT a curse, she certainly is NOT punishment because I definitely do not feel punished every time I walk through the door to her bright infectious smile after a long day. Even during our worst days I never wish she was not in my life. Besides my mother, my daughter is the only person in the world who makes me feel loved genuinely and unconditionally! Being a mom has taught me a lot about myself and has helped me challenge myself in ways I never did when I wasn’t a mother. I am a single mother but not once have I ever really felt like I am raising my daughter alone, the old adage is true, it really does take a village!

Though I still miss my late brother dearly, I now smile at the memories. I have this new life that keeps me so occupied that I hardly have time to sulk, Helping to raise his now 4-year-old also proved to be an opportunity to create new cherishable memories. Yes, we continue to face challenges, life is not always sunshine and roses but in the bigger scheme of things I am OK, We are OK …

I don’t know who needed to hear this but I chose to share my experience, my story, aware of the pros and cons of bearing my soul on this platform but I hope it reminds you that whatever you are going through, you are going to be OK…Sadly I can’t give you the job you are looking for, I can’t release you from that unhappy marriage, I can’t promise you your next meal, that funding you need for your business will unfortunately not come from me and sorry I can’t make them stay but I can promise you one thing, if you keep going and keep looking for positives on the way, it will turn around for you, YOU WILL BE OK!…

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