This Time Last Year

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This time last year I felt my heart beat on my throat. My spirit was so broken I needed tranquilisers to sleep. This time last year I slept a whole week without bathing. I forced myself to eat food whose taste I couldn’t sense, just because I didn’t want to look sick. This time last year I was heartbroken.

This time last year I lied to myself. I told the whole world I was doing just fine. This time last year I smiled with my lips, yet my soul was wailing. I would cry but no sound would come out of my mouth. I would just keep choking, then I knew my spirit was in hell. This time last year my mind was numb.

This time last year I had a fight with my dad. He called me stupid, I told him ‘fuck you’; only in my heart. This time last year, the whole world caved in on me. I saw it all go down the drain. Right before my eyes it all disappeared.

This time last year I sat and watched people update their social media statuses about places they’ve been and how they’ve spent their money. Everyone’s life looked more interesting than mine. This time last year I mad, bitter and hopeful. This time last year was a woman-made hell for me. Tormented my soul, but destroy couldn’t my spirit. This time last year is an event I still can’t believe occurred.

This afternoon I lived in hell. I relived all emotions I experienced this time last year. This afternoon my dad called asking if I were fine. He told me he loved and missed me. I lied to him. I smiled and told him I was better than good. Right this moment I shed a tear. I just can stop them from rolling down. I wet my jacket, you’d swear it rained on me. I never thought I’d cry and make these sounds as a grown man. Today I lived in hell, but I know someone really cares.

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