Mother, Child, Me

She was laughning so loudly and joyfully that morning and I could not help but to do the same

my heart was cracked at that time and I had to keep it together… for all three of us
“I want to be just like my mom”, she thought
“Dear God, please give me the strength to better her world so that she can be the best mother some day”
she too prayed

I was right there. In the middle of it all, feeling each and every pulse, counting every single heart beat
Catching their tears before they hit the ground
Framing thier smiles one by one

Dancing to the ‘nomsa baby, u lilela ntoni’ song they sang in the kitchen
Watching them get down on their knees to say the Lord’s prayer
Life was seriously funny
Those two were so different in a similar way

As I turned to walk away, she called out my name
“Tlo re tlo tshameka diketo”
How could I say no to that innocent angelic face?
“Okay and niks ma ropa ne?”, I said
As we were gathering ‘matiki’ ka utlwa sello sa motsadi
“Oh Nkosi yam’!! N’cela u be no moya wa lo mtwana. Na xa zenza izinto za lo mhlaba, anga ilibali imithetho yakho”

At that instant it hit me. I was the one in the middle, the one who was denying the little girl in me the joy of being a kid
The one who was suffocating the parent in me with ‘perfect’ expectations

I had to stop and look at them and all they said to me was, “Let go for a while and LIVE”

I am Omphile Onkgopotse Dimpane on facebook

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