Weeding Out My Dreams

I am yet to meet, see or even read about anyone who is better than me at starting new ventures; I am also terrible at seeing my plans to completion. I dropped out of university with just one year to go because the desire just wasn’t there anymore. I developed new interests and abandoned the job at hand. I drew up plans to start a holiday accommodation business, but never got around to actioning the plans as I decided to explore a career in writing. I started a website that showcases the work of unpublished writers and when I encountered financial challenges I decided to start a laundry business. I have acquired a bit of land and I am currently pursuing small-scale commercial farming. You probably think you know how that too is going to end up.

In 2015 I bought a residential stand on which to build a house, but did not immediately have sufficient funds to complete building the house. So I laid the foundation while I tried to figure out how I would raise the money to finish building. This coincided with my taking interest in backyard gardening. I did not have a house, but I had a backyard so I decided I was going to start planting vegetables and perhaps in the process attract the house to me as taught by Rhonda Byrne.

True to form, I started the gardening hobby with great enthusiasm, reading every piece of literature on gardening I could find. Even after reading so much, what I knew about gardening was still dangerous. Not surprising then that I did not harvest anything that year. The potatoes I had planted inside old car tyres got eaten by moles while the tomato seeds I sowed in the depth of winter did not emerge from the ground.

A great part of me was convinced that gardening is not for me, but I had a house to attract so I had to get the backyard in a state acceptable to the house. I had made a deal with the house that if I took care of the backyard and made it habitable the house would find its way to me.

I had not done enough; the vegetable patches were just standing there and I had no clue what I was doing wrong, despite going through libraries upon libraries of backyard gardening literature. Eventually I resorted to default behaviour I exhibit with great excellence each time I came across such circumstances; start a new venture that promises better prospects of success.

I carried on with freelance writing, but I knew the income was nowhere near building me a house. I had to attract me a house, as a result I had to succeed at backyard gardening. I would like to think I am a man of honour; my word is bond and the promise I make is the promise I keep. I entered into a covenant with my house that if delivered a decent garden it would come to me without me having to sweat for a single cent used to build it.

All the while I was living with my parents in their house and after the absence of three months I went back to my site where I found the foundation buried under a forest of tall grass and my garden disappeared within weeds. But somehow, in the midst of all that chaos, the biggest zucchini squashes I had seen in my life managed to grow. In spite of my abandoning the yard and automatically the garden it bore fruit; fruit hidden within weeds and tall grass. Fruit edible nonetheless.

At first I was afraid to pick these zucchini because there could be a snake lying in the grass. I was scared, but even more so angry at myself for having given up on yet another project so close to its successful completion. I had to get a spade and a gardening fork and weed out the whole yard. The more I weeded out the more zucchini I discovered, but no snakes.

As I was working the garden I had a Eureka moment; that the reason I seem to see so little success in my life is because I lack focus; I never seem to be able to be patient enough with myself and never trust the process to see itself to completion. I basically lack faith; no belief in me and belief in the universe to provide as it has promised if I keep my end of the bargain.

I started seeing how I dropped out of university because I saw weeds and a prospect of a snake in the tall grass; totally lost sight of the zucchini hidden among the chaos. How the weeds that came to my laundry business in the form of a water crisis affecting my area of Phuthaditjhaba, Free State, South Africa, led to me walking away and losing focus of the hidden zucchini within the weeds. The zucchini is the Bed and Breakfast business plan that is hidden within the weeds that are dust it is gathering inside my laptop. The emerging writers’ website I have been singing the song of resurrection for…

The groundwork has been done just as I have already set the foundation for my house. All that is needed is for me to take a spade and a fork and weed out without any fear of an ambushing snake hidden within the tall grass.

At the beginning of 2018, I connected water and electricity to the tools shed that I had built out of corrugated iron and made it habitable so I could move out of my parents’ house and live on the property and work the garden daily. This is me upping the ante in the covenant I entered into with the house; that if I built a pleasing garden it would please me by occupying my residential site.

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