I have so much to tell you. I think it will drive me crazy if I don’t let out. Relationships . . . Decisions. I love sharing my feelings with you, Diary. You always listen to what I have to say and you never judge me. You would have made the perfect boyfriend. The only problem is, you don’t have a dick. If you had one, we’d be dating right now. In fact I’d be naked straddling you right now, if you had a dick. LOL. On a serious note, I need to tell you something.
This morning I woke with a huge smile. He was on my mind. Just the thing is I don’t know which he it is. I am so confused lately.
Dale’s controlled my thoughts for a while now but Jared’s not far behind. What’s wrong with me? The person I should be thinking about really is Kyle. He’s the caring one; the one that doesn’t seem like he is forced to talk to me. He actually gives a damn; he texts and enquires about my life and health and just me in general.
All Dale cares about is his material status at this moment and how it can increase in future; Jared on the other hand is too busy chatting up everything wearing a skirt to notice how I feel about him.
Why is it that I have to care about the stupid one the most? The challenge of trying to be with him and hinting and putting so much of myself out there is starting to push him away. He explains what he is looking for in a relationship and I think, “how perfectly it matches what I want”. I want to be appreciated adored not treated like some beautiful object that gets shown off at parties and get-togethers…
With Dale that never happened, I never got to meet his friends, I felt ugly after a while. He broke down my self-esteem. I thought I won’t get back to how much I thought of myself. What did he think of me not introducing me to his friends? What did they hear, or what did they think of me? I wasn’t worthy, I thought.
Whereas Kyle… My word, he is the sweetest guy with the sweetest smile and the purest heart. Why can’t my heart just say yes to this man? I have issues, unfinished business.
Do I tell Jared exactly how I feel about him, handle the rejection? And just move on? What if the rejection adds to the baggage? I mean I might’ve told Dale exactly what I think of his most recent proposal – that’s a new story to tell you – but the way he treated me in the past has caused some baggage and being rejected again will and can only make it worse.
And then I have to think of poor Kyle; will he stand idly by and pick up pieces of my heart broken by yet another man? He already had to do this when he met me and Dale had broken my heart. I think I am the worst person in the world right now, but then again I am the most confused person. Has anybody else gone through something like this? I wonder constantly, maybe it could be genetic but my mom’s never had feelings for more than one guy.
I have so much to tell you. I love sharing my feelings with you; you always listen and you never judge me. I think I’ll dump Catherine. She’s such a slut! How long do I have to pretend I can put up with her shit? She’s always thinking of those assholes. But she’s like all other women. They are all the same. I hate women and I might be gay. The other day I imagined having sex with a guy. Honestly, I enjoyed the thought. LOL. But that’s our secret, Diary. I trust you! In fact, you’d make a perfect partner for me. The only problem is, you don’t have a dick. If you had one, I’d be naked, straddling you, right now. LOL
6Oh man where does one begin? Today I had one of those epic days where everything seemed to go my way. Remember that hoochie I told you about the other day? The one i met at “The Watering Hole”. Lisa? Yeah, met her again today at her cousin’s house. To cut long story short, couped her digits and called her when I got to my crib. We hooked up, shagged and I took her back to her place. Talk about wham, bam, thank you ma’am!
Eish. Diary, I’m in a bit of a fix… I just can’t stop thinking about Catherine. I mean look, I had Lisa today, I mean the woman is practically double-jointed but alas, she’s not Kate.
Please tell me what to do. Running after all this woman is no fun anymore. I’ve hid myself behind this “player bravado” for far too long now… Don’t you think? Diary? Sigh
Wealth is Creating Assets. Don’t let them fool you; you can’t have love and rice. I’m a simple dude that just craves sushi, once in a while. I wish people would stop being such hypocrites. We all envy the good things in life. Do you know of anyone that can turn down a BMW M3, if they were offered one? Mine I didn’t get on a silver platter. I paid in the hardest currency of them all; Blood, Sweat and Tears. The same way I got it, is exactly the same way I will maintain it. Sleepless nights and long hours.
Somehow, I wish women would be more understanding. All these good things I have I work hard for, so Kate will not want. She had unlimited access to my platinum card. That ironing machine that speaks the language everyone understands. With it she got Jimmy Choos like they were Converse All Stars, but still complained that she didn’t feel secure. How much more secure can one be, other than drinking from a well whose water never runs out? The reason I work so long is so she can be happy. Have a decent roof over her head and always have the finest clothes money can buy. Some people can really be ungrateful.
Love by itself has failed to sustain me. Love by itself wasn’t enough for Patience. I gave her all my heart, but she still left me for a married man. Lack of wealth robbed me of my self-worth and made me feel inadequate. With love, I couldn’t secure Patience’s Heart. Money still can’t keep a permanent smile on Kate’s face… ahem
“the bling is blinding but even that cannot outshine the sun, if she’s that sunshine then he must not see her with that dark cloud hanging over his head but surely he feels the warmth her love brings…” – The Oracle with a side eye to Dale
This is an improvised piece by
Nicola Le Roux (Catherine/Kate)
Ashley Summers (Kyle)
Tshepo Lepona Siboto (Jared)
Nyakallo Lephoto (Dale)
‘Kay Brown (The Oracle)
We hope to continue and finish it one day