Kindness, humility, understanding are words we are used to and automatically apply in our lives because we are expected to. And who expects us to apply these? Our parents, because these reflect well on them and how they raise their kids.
Most of us have learnt how to be our parents’ kids – how to behave well and how to make them look good to the world – but we haven’t learned how to be human beings who engage with other human beings. We struggle to connect with other humans outside our families because all that we know is to be a good, kind and humble child to a certain parent.
Social media has showed us how hard it is to be human and engage with other human beings. There are a lot of people who are great sons and daughters but are failing dismally to be human beings, because all they are taught was to be their parents’ kids.
The only way we know how to be human is by doing everything that depicts us people that were raised well.
From an early age kids are told “charity begins at home”, and “careful what you do out there because it reflects badly on your upbringing”, we are hardly taught how to be human. It is quite easy to relate to your family, because they already expect a certain behaviour from you. The behaviour they taught you and values they’ve instilled in you.
As good as this sounds, it actually makes it hard to relate well to other people. We aren’t taught how to be a good friend or a member of the society, we are just taught how to behave to benefit our parents image. And then you end up being a horrible human being who can’t behave around other humans.
Parents get to know the person they raised with values they taught them, they hardly get to know the person their child has become. That is why parents will defend their kids whenever someone talks about the other side of their kids, the side that parents have never seen before.
No parent wants to believe their kids are not well behaved because they (parents) have envisioned how their kids are like and they also believe they are perfect and their methods of discipline or upbringing is just as perfect. It becomes easier for them to believe that they have the right morals and beliefs.
No parent wants to believe that their child is going against everything they are taught. They believe in evolution of emotions and physical appearances but they never want to hear that their kids change when they step out the house.
With every household comes different principles, and these principles tend to clash with one another. As a human being, the sensible thing to do is understand and acknowledge this and work around it, but as your parent’s child it is hard to do so, because you are taught “proper human behavior ”, so everyone else’ behaviour is invalid and wrong because that is not what your mom or dad said.
We end up being horrible human beings solely because we have gotten it into our heads that what our parents have taught us, it’s what humans all around the world should be like.
Our loyalty lies with our parents, what that means is… we don’t forsake what they have taught us, and that leads to us rejecting what could probably make us better human beings.
For an example: some of us are taught that your mental and emotional state comes first, and then we meet people who are taught to regard other people’s mental and emotional state, we persist on feeding them our home education and try to convince them how wrong they are for even trying to put others’ well being first.
We spend most days trying to convince people to forsake all that they know and follow our way of life, why? Because our parents have instilled in us their perfect values and morals, therefore anything else isn’t worth our time.
We have become perfect kids in our homes, but horrible human beings to the outside world. We have convinced ourselves that only what we know and care about is what everyone else should be holding sacred. What our parents applaud and consider perfect, makes other human beings cringe.
We call people close minded, because they don’t see the world the way we do, because the way we see the world is supposedly perfect and how others should be like.
We spend so much time defending and justifying our mannerism and values because we want others to see everything the way we see it. We invalidate other people’s views and beliefs because we are great children to our parents.
No one knows this better than an uncle that has had to mediate in marital spat just how parents of the married tend to not want to consider partiality, but are set in defending their children to the death because, to the parents, actions of their children are a reflection in them.
School teachers know this very well too, how many times have you seen that problematic child at school come with their parent who defends them despite everyone being aware of the said child’s untoward behaviour?
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