Day 9 – 91 Days of Gratitude

Day 9

Major losses led to major gains

I often write about my history as someone who has been raised by a white couple. My mother never wanted children. My father seems like he wanted them but by the time he met my mom she had long had a hysterectomy and so the chances of them having a biological child were greatly diminished.

In order to become their daughter, I had to lose my mother and great aunt who took me in when my mother died.

So there was a dilemma… Here is this child at 11, no one to take her in and now she needs that solidity of being a family and that stability.

My mother tells me that before a decision was made of taking legal guardianship of me a private investigator was hired to find my family and no-one was found. Hence the process went ahead.

The road to becoming a family unit was a terrible one.
I was an angry child because every time my mom did something for me it probably didn’t make sense and I think that part of me fought against loving her because if I loved her it would mean that I didn’t love my mother. I was a child and I am speculating here but I do remember how angry I was during those early years.

I was also going through a lot and alone because I had not disclosed it to anyone.

So it was an emotionally tumultuous time.

But we built on it and now I cannot picture a life where my mom and Nicholas don’t exist in my life.

I don’t see them often because I am strange like that and try as I might I find it hard to be consistent with my visits.

I am eternally grateful to Carl and Marilynn for contributing to the womxn I have become. Without them, I have no idea what kind of me I would be.

So a lot of gratitude I give to them.



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