Day 10 – 91 Days of Gratitude

Day 10

Choosing Me

I studied Medicine immediately post matric. I got through to the only university I applied to.
Into the program I wanted because ever since I saw that one Carte Blanche episode where they were doing heart transplants on children I got it into my head that I wanted to be a Paediatrician.
I was 15years old when I made my decision.
My subject choice in grade 10 were aligned to this vision…
But after I failed the first year and repeated and the second year was even worse I knew that I could no longer do it.

The pictures depict a message I wrote to a friend during 2011 when I had decided that studying Medicine was taking a lot more from me than it was worth.

It was not an easy decision. I had never struggled before academically so the failure was truly devastating but what I could not stand was how I could not recognize ME. I was a shell. I was so bleak. I was just perpetually unhappy.

Even when I would try and have that smile on my face, it just didn’t last long.

I still recall lots of darkness during that time. I was depressed. I know this in hindsight.

My mom and dad were troopers. They had paid for my three years there and shuuuu I was feeling bad about wasting their money but they saw what it was doing to me and when I said that this was not for me anymore they told me that it was okay. It is not the end of the world.

I cried so much during that time.

I kept thinking of all the people I was letting down.
But more than anything, I thought about how I was letting myself down.

But looking back, I don’t regret the decision I made.

I chose me.
I chose happiness.
And it was the best decision I ever made for myself.

I am happier than I ever imagined possible.

Yes, the profession has many many problems and I am feeling the pinch but I love what I do so much that even those don’t dampen my spirit.

So I am grateful that I was in a position to choose me and that my parents were supportive of my decision.


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